Monday, May 25, 2009 @ Monday, May 25, 2009
only white bff
[11:42] its_shanae: im bout to be 19 =]
[11:42] Dakota ..: me too.
[11:42] Dakota ..: well 20.
[11:42] Dakota ..: damn ho
[11:43] Dakota ..: I've known you since you were like 12.
[11:43] Dakota ..: net dating raggedy busted bush heads and shit.
[11:43] its_shanae: LMMAOO
[11:44] its_shanae: @ 12.
[11:44] Dakota ..: forrealz.
[11:44] its_shanae: awww <333 @ us
[11:45] Dakota ..: i know
[11:45] Dakota ..: we're gonna end up losing touch for 10 years, coming back into contact and getting married.
[11:45] its_shanae: lmaooooo
[11:45] its_shanae: never.
one boy i can tell everything to.
Sunday, May 24, 2009 @ Sunday, May 24, 2009
My Twittascope: Cancer
Your moods may shift rapidly today, but you're self-contained enough so that others may not realize the scale of your unsettled feelings. Whether or not you express your emotions, make sure that you stay fully aware of them. Remember, there may be a price to pay if you attempt to distract yourself from your inner world as you hide your true needs from others. Sunday, May 24, 2009
ugh. i truely believe in Horoscopes. Moreso because they're ALWAYS right on.
I'm trying, man.
Saturday, May 23, 2009 @ Saturday, May 23, 2009
Im laying here cant fall asleep for shit.
lemme get these headphones and put on my song.
Letoya Luckett - Not Anymore, been playing this allll day.
haha, nigga, nobody needs $200 headphones, but really these shits is bomb!
I dont know what the hell is up with me. I really do sit and think
like "I'm losing it. I really have turned crazy". Like, if i thought
i wasnt before. I definetly feel that I am now. Crazy as in something
is wrong with my head. not that "oooh baby you driving me crazy".
I think keeping my feelings in, not being able to sort threw shit, not
knowing WHY shitis happening all like this. lol, im putting tears on the
laptop! this laptop is maddddd wide for NO REASON! its annoying the screen
is like the size of them flat screens mac computer. So ugly. But..ah.
Said im leavin today, wipe the tears from me face..if you feel me say..
somebody say i dont want it anymore. Sayyyyyyyyyyy.
If i think my life is a mess right now - growing up wise.. ah i could imagine
what ima be going through when i get older. I dont like to think of myself as
a weak person. But If i wasnt, i'd be able to handle this. Grown in age but honestly
not in my head. I still want shit handed to me and dont know how ima be without shit like that. "I know that its comin i just hope that im alive for it" I just wanna be..I just wanna be..
Hmm..i think this six flags trip tomm. will be good for being. Being away from indianapolis and as much as i miss my phone! i know its good for me.
I didnt tell baby i was going, actually i didnt talk to him today. He's gonna think im ignoring him but oh well. I didnt tell anyone for that matter, really.
People are missing from this trip though! 2. Whores! Couldnt make it. It would be 10x better with them.
I've made mistakes but i cant turn back time, im only human. forgive me, love me, save me...save me from myself. Im fragile and broken.
This song makes me think about my parents. I remember last year my mother saying "Nobody has dissapointed me more than you". And i knooooow i've fucked up big time and im truely truely paying for it.
I bottle all my hurt inside, i guess im living a lie..inside my mind each day i die..what can bring me back to life? a simple word, a gesture...
Thursday, May 21, 2009 @ Thursday, May 21, 2009
I find it amusing that im this big "mystery" to everyone.
No one can get a straight answer out of me - even my parents.
HONESTLY, i dont feel i have to explain myself to anyone about
anything, ever. "I dont get you" alot of people say. Nigga, GOOD.
Keep it that way. I dont get me either.
& LMAOO@ THIS nigga.Its really cute though.
How you go to me then straight back to her. I find it weird at the same time
though. Like DAMN that was quick. Its only been twice though, maybe its just
a coincidence? A big one. I find it now difficult to believe that just maybe
you were talking to her still that whole time. Its pretty obvious, actually now.
And you know what? I feel soooo stupid for opening up and being some niggas
back up plan. Thanks for my boo for opening my eyes. Lol that was so many weeks ago
but i just really sat down and thought about it. No way am i still stuck on it but..dang, homie! Maybe i'm delusional somehow or another. I've always felt i was in competition with some bitch i could NEVER compete with (as far as feelings go) just because your love for her was beyond your love for anyone else. Thats also funny on soooooo many different levels. Bullshitter, please. And to learnnnnnnn she be talkin madd shit behind your back? To some nigga? lmao ;[ and sometimes WITH that nigga? Maybe she was on some bitter shit, some venting shit though so i wont say nothing. Well..lol too late for that. I mean shes a female, females do that. Cant say i ever have though, you know..forever hold you down on some "who? him naw hes a really good guy" type stufffff. Who cares about all that now though?
Keyshia Cole looks too pretty on her "Trust" video, as well as Monica! The short hair cut is cute on her. Them big tattoos on they arms though. Ladies, ladies..
Dont look right with dresses/"classy clothing". Beautiful ladies nonetheless.
Im tryna see the Beyonce - Ego video. Cant seem to find it though.
I was suppose to be lying next to him today, this morning. BUT MY PLANS ALWAYS TURN AROUND ON ME BECAUSE OF MOMMY DEAREST. It was my second time letting him down. "I knew something like this was gonna happen" awww ;[. Next time, i'll just wait until i know for sure, for sure if something can pop off.
Lol, omg. Now i'm bout to be home all day everyday. I usually dont be home until later on the weekdays for sometime now. I'm really bout to go out my mind. Im tired of myself!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009 @ Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I'm a biggggggggg one. Talk alot of shit but im highly sensitive.
Well, I cry when i'm really pissed.
MY TWITTASCOPE WAS RIGHT. I was disappointed today. What was suppose
to be a good day turned into a fucking depressed one. Ya know, mommy
Anyways. OOOOOOOOOOOKAY @ IUPUI (college) online application $50. Promise
i cried a little while entering my bank card # in. I just had to come blog.
[sigh x346504396436]. If I dont get in i want my $50 back. Not even kidding.
All the other I applied for didnt charge. I thought online apps was always free?
I'm really in a college application filling out mood. LOL. Shouldve been did it
its MAY! I'm such a fuck up. I'm not gonna make it, lol.
LMAOOO@ I Now Prounounce You Chuck And Larry, Ving Rhames, the shower scene? hilarious. He plays them gay parts to the T.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009 @ Tuesday, May 19, 2009
exciting, hyper..happy, period.
YES. Like, fully. Tomorrow will be the end of a big deal.
Oh plus my check came Monday when it was suppose to come tomm.
May 30th hopefully me and my fav people + others will be going
to Kings Island. The driver said he doesnt matter the date too
damn quickly i hope he dont be on some bullshit that he has to work
or whatever. Everytime we plan something its always one thing holdin
us back either my overprotectivesafteyfirsttocatchapredatorlifetime watching
mother, or the person(s). Either way, i done got my hopes up so it better work
the fuck out! Was tryna go to a beach but lame ass Indiana doesnt have one.
Im laying here tired. Idk why. It feels good outside though.
TOMMOROOWWWWWWWWWW. ahhhhhh!! =]
Dang AS SOON as i walked in the house, took my shoes off purse down
went to sit next to my mom who was talkin to my dad about some flooring shit.
she turns to me and immediately starts talkin about what i need to do with school.
I said "OMG, i just walked in!" and got up. My fucking goddddddd. Can i sit down first? can i take my clothes off first? can i say a word first before you start nagging? PLEASEEEEE. Thats the reason why i stay upstairs, away from everybody. I really dont wanna hear all that. I dont.
i see my baby boo thursday. wooop! cant wait cause he been talkin TOOOO much shit.
LOL@ this new boy "Brandon" go figure. WHYYY are they all lame? ALL Brandons.
I wont say all, but i've fucked with 3 brandons. two football players = LAAAAAAAAAAMEEEEEEEE, and this one, desperate. Lol you met me hours ago and expect me to honestly believe you like me like that already? Okay SURE it might be possible for some people. But really? First time talkin on the phone tellin me to touch myself? Really. Lol. I hope he never calls/text again.
Week going good so far.
Saturday, May 16, 2009 @ Saturday, May 16, 2009
I've noticed some things about my life. I DO NOT want to be in Indianapolis this summer. I want to go, go, go as much as possible. Or WORK everyday to get my mind
off shit or just to have an excuse. and I want to go out of state/city for college now.
This is me thinking again, shit.
lmaoooo@ True Life "Im Graduating HS" her mom showed up for the first part of her prom and post prom. shes like "mom, go to sleep!" embarrassing.
Friday, May 15, 2009 @ Friday, May 15, 2009
BA BA BLACK SHEEP...
Why that has been in my head for days, idk.
Its finalllllllly Friday. And I dont even think i'm going Seans dinner
party at the cheesecake factory anymore ;[. Broke bitches!
And I refuse to go alone. If it wasnt the cheesecake factory, i wouldnt
even care if i wasnt going anymore. But I hyped myself up about it
cause i've never been. One day.
Wowwww. Last night while watching The Real Housewives of New York i noticed me
itching my hands. Then noticing the itching lasted for 20 minutes. noooo exaggeration. So i'm like uh...okay. THEN it started getting annyoing so i went
to rinse my hands for a little. Soap, yada yada. I go to lay down 10 minutes past
and im in my bed itching my hands like crazy, like not being able to finish text
cause it itch so bad. So i go downstairs and tell my mom she say the same thing happens to her but it be her palms. This wasnt my palms, and my wrist slowly started
to itch too. So they looked it up - lol, my momma is quite the researcher. Something said put ice on em, which helped. like an hour past and it was still itchy. at this point i have tears in my eyes cause its soooooooo irritating and i was soooo sleepy at the same time. and it was starting to burn, my hands were red. Not completely but you know. I had whelps on em and one of my hands were swollen & my hands were all shaky. My stepdad went out and got some Benadryl, that I have in my handy dandy purse right now, just incase it happens again. Rubbed that shit on both hands and went to sleep. Its weird cause i've been itchy alot lately especially my arm (itching right now) arm is red. and it be certain parts too! This past few
months my body been on one. I think i'm dying ;[
-rubs benadryl on my arm.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009 @ Wednesday, May 13, 2009
ass. // DEE & I
Nae.jones: a physcologist and an anger management class
Greedy Genius: LMAO yeah
Greedy Genius: cause
Greedy Genius: somebody need to prescribe you somethin
Greedy Genius: LMAO you need some anti depressants
Greedy Genius: cause
Greedy Genius: or somethin for anxiety
Greedy Genius: cause you start thinking
Greedy Genius: then
Greedy Genius: yo ass be falling DEEEEEEEEP into depression
Greedy Genius: be round the house in yo black clothes
Greedy Genius: "woe is me"
Greedy Genius: yo ass do be sittin in the house in yo black tee fingerpainting about the world and how depressing it is
@ Wednesday, May 13, 2009
WE GONE MAKE LOOOOOOVEEEEEE.
Ohh we gone make loooooooooooooooveeeeee.
We gone loveee. OH BABY...OH BABY..
Yes we areeee. I wanna make love. EVERYBODY SAY
when you're in looooooooooveeeeeee. Yeahhheeeeyeaheee.
Awoooooah, oh babyyyy.
Hehe, my favorite part. Keri Hilson - Make Love. Never will
get tired of this song. Puts me in a happy mood.
So. Buddy Sean invited me to his little dinner birthday party
at the Cheesecake Factory on Friday. Yeahhhh. I hope I don't have pay cause
its expensive. Lol, I know I will nvm. I just wont be hungry =]
"IM GONNA PUT THIS THING ON YOU I'LL BLOW YA MIND OUTTTT".
Idk what i'm gonna wear. Gee. I always stress about these things.
This weekend is gonna be a good one. I feel it.
My partner in crime with a house to ourselves? LOLOLOL. Watch
my momma ruin it, my stepdaddy off so i know she gonna be hollering
that "Family Time" stuff. She tells me I need to spend more time with them
cause i'll be gone in August. I'll still be in state i mean...helloooo.
"All the ladies in the house tonight, look at cha man and tell him
'ooo baby tonight we gone makee looooooveeee' ".
My lasagna bout to burn, almost forgot about it. BYE!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009 @ Tuesday, May 12, 2009
end of story.
I fuck with nobody at this point.
Playing mind games and shit.
Lollll most of the graduating '08 girls have a child/is pregnant.
Congratsssssss Shanae! HMPH, and they predicted i'll be next by the
end of this year. Niggas always saying "You next". Nooo sir =]
Learned a lesson from them bitches. I'm not about to be another single
black teen parent with the "baby daddy" drama. That seems to be ALL the females.
Statuses : My Baby Daddy Aint shit, I'll give you $50 if you whoop my baby daddy ass,
Just Me and my son my BD dont buy him shit.
No...I wont even accept if i had a child by the person im with then we just happen to break up. My child will have the mother and father together. Thats just what i believe in. Of course shit happens but I wouldnt want it any other way, it doesnt feel right.
Thats them Indianapolis boys for you though. ALLL of them. ALLL of them.
Aint shit niggas.
I'm missing my boo TOUCH, not him. Just touch, i liked to be touched/held/hand in hand..argh. Needy, right? I got too much pride to hit him up though. Lol the next night he was all "You kill me with this hit it and quit it shit" as in talk to all night then dont bother to talk to him at all the next day; nothing like that; ftherecord I DONT TEXT PEOPLE FIRSTTTT! Makes me feel clingy if we was together all day/night then i text you the next, idk why. Prob cause I be hearin how dudes be talkin about girls who text/call them all the time. Dont wanna be one of those. & he should Definetly should know that by now.
Monday, May 11, 2009 @ Monday, May 11, 2009
you cant love me,no you canttt love me, if you dont even love yourself.
Oh i still wanna be there but i got more enough than re ason to see this aint
our season, i should be leaaaaavin, these leaves dancing in the dark
but somehow you got me heart ooooh baby. I should be dancin, baby, dancin..
hehe. Solange <3.
Thats irrelevant, the song just happened to be on.
I def. noticed me ignoring people more often. Theres like only two
people I care to be bothered with. Most likely if you call/text me
and i dont answer? Oh, i see my phone going off. I just dont feel
like fuckin with you. I hear your ringtone! I just dont feel like fuckin
with you. Some have got the hint sad cause when i'm extra bored and need someone to talk to, they wont be there. Oh well.
"I miss you and I want you back...I lost ya signal where ya at?
and i dont know how we lost contact, where did you goooo? im searchin
for yooou" Alienated - Keri Hilson.
This reminds me of my DERRRICCK. 8th grade. Lol. We were way too shy
first boy who've ever really touched me and i felt something (NOT in a sexual
way). Lived in the same apartment complex, lol..them summer days. That was the
funnest point of my life actually. 6-8th grade. Thats when I lost my color, i def
used to be lighter, now i'm brown, permanently. ANYWAYS. Dang, this song
got me going back. I would loooove to talk, to see him again and this time I wont be so shy. His brother - my brother friend used to tell me "See, he got all the girls in 7th grade, but he only be wantin you". I wonder if his name is spelled some sorta way, like my daddys (Darrick, i think? or its one r? w.e dont blame me for not knowing how to spell my daddy name!). Cant seem to remember his last name either. I could just act my brother but, eh. He'd ask why and..i'll have to get an attitude, so to avoid all that. Dang @ me moving. Thats was my baby =]
"I be on some G shit, I be on some G shit..check out what i done, check out who i be with. I'm me, bitch. " Lol. Drake lil ugly butt. But i like the way he seems carry hisself is sexy. "Check them other niggas for that Louis shopping spree shit not me, bitch."
OOH. Trey Songz - Comfortable. Chorus? 2nd Verse? worddd.
Sunday, May 10, 2009 @ Sunday, May 10, 2009
"When you look at me, do you see your wife?
Can you picture us lovin' eachother for life?
Are you playing the role, just like the rest?
These are the questions that I ask myself"
Blaque - Questions.
Ahhh, back in the days I used to fuck with my ex.
What was Ii? 15? He never deserved this song to be dedicated
to him, which is why it isnt. But it always reminded me of him.
I woke up singing this recently, really weird cause I haven't listened
to it in 2 years. Now I cant get it out of my head.
OMGGGGGGGGGGG. May 20th you guys.
Gonna be THE DAY for many different reasons.
Top 1? Pay day. mmmhmm. Not like I spend any of it
(other than on necessities, and clothes & shoes aint one
-rolls eyes) but still.
This year is going by sooooooo quickly and before you know it
i'll be a small 19 year old, in college, out of this house.
sounds good. But I know once i get out of here ima be the wiiiild
child. People have already predicted that.
Sike though, as a Biology Major? yeah riiight. Ima be in every night
like now. Ima the biggest fuck up and shit, i just hope this is one thing i dont
Next..My nasty brown lookin hair goin bye bye. I just noticed how dirty brown looks. My mama say its just me thinkin that way, but w.e im changing it for the first time. To black. mmmhmmm. & the cut i've been talkin bout for forever. I have the most retardest hair, first it grows real long, i cut it, it starts falling out (im guessing puttin to much heat on it)..but of course, it grows back quick, longer, it falls out ( not dramatically but i notice it), again. Blah.
I've notice why i have my little moods. We're gonna call it..IT. IT leaves then as expected IT is back. IT is back in the spot, in my head, all over again. I mean, i knew it was gonna be a matter of time before IT gets over shit, or finally realizes shit. But when IT was just this shit in my head, when i let IT go and its the way it was, i was content..happy..settled..now IT is talkin that shit and my mind is all confused and shitty again. I never wanna stray away from IT, cant say IT is actually the problem, its just me and overthinking, but IT does play apart. Fuck IT, though.
And lolllllllllllllllll @ this motherfuckin boy, texting me at..idk i think it was 4am. I was falling asleep between text my texting and a hour later i'd wake up and respond. "I want it" if i was UP and sane at the moment I wouldve been a real bitch towards him but my sleepy self responded with "lol". I didnt think about it til this morning when i got up, like...the nerveeeeeeeeee of his bootycalling ass. Like on some call/escort service type shit? I HATE his ass.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009 @ Wednesday, May 06, 2009
the shit i do to fulfill my weekdays due to me being a complete failure in life.
i'm really in the library right now. eating. wonder what happens if they catch you?
Spicy chicken was a stupid choice seeing that my throat hurts and its irritating it more. but oh, ima finish it.
think if you wanted to be with somebody you'd actually MAKE an effort right? dont text me during booty call hours and tell me to wake up just to ask wtf im doing. text me throughout the day and actually hold a convo. Reason right there i dont believe shit you say, dummy. If you gonna play a game make it believable, pimp. Hmph, tryna get my goodies. Aint happeninnn.
"Carry your burden i cant do it this timeeee, goodbyeee
but then again, do i listen to my heart or your cry for help?
I keep second guessin' myself, whyyyy....."
Tryna drink and duck at the same tiime, smh. Would be funny if i spilled it all over the keyboard (which i have before, at home). I'd really just walk out like nothing happened.
My headache is coming back, oooohhh gee. Idk whats wrong with me. I usually get sick each month with the s SAME symptoms - not my period. Its weird. I dont think i got sick in march. Def. not in April. Its soo weird. I think i'm gonna die at a early age from some sort of rare sickness type shit. Dramatic, right?
I am sooo happy now days. Not so much happy but content, and idk why. I havent been mad in days, just sick. Which is reallly uncommon for me. Like, really.
Being single is boring as shit. I have nooobody to argue/fight with. To get on somebodys nerves. I have this problem see, this is where 'i think too much' comes into play.
I think i need a guy in my life for me to be content or the least bit of happy.
and thats sad.
I think when i dont have complete control over a situation, a persons feelings - (not really CONTROL but..eh..eh, you know? idk.) I think when i dont have that it bothers me and it picks at me.
I'm really not used to being single or AT LEAST having multipple dudes to talk to..and yes talk.
But now i'm in the situation for ONCE where i refuse to settle for less than the past boyfriend i've had. & i take that to be a good thing..i guess.
I really dont want the multiple dudes type shit anymore, its old, i'm getting older..and its childish. but shit, at least they all know about eachother and that i really dont want them.
I need a guys company or i will be bored with life. Point, blank, periodddd.
Idk why that is. and i wish it wasnt that way.
My mom hating on my ringtone. Twista - Wetter for Ant...ugly. JUST A RINGTONE I HAD TO PICK FROM and the others were for other people, so that was the only one left over. So i'm like "howd you hear it?" "your phone was ringing" this was like a hour after i got off the phone/seen i had a miss call. "why didnt you tell me it was ringing anyway?" "i got disturbed by it. i dont like to think about that song. thats not a song that i think girls should be listening to/having, that 'can you be my daddy' crap." Lol, well..the song is catchy & its gonna stay so... :)
Sunday, May 3, 2009 @ Sunday, May 03, 2009
I havent been in the mood and i really was about to change my mind..it was coo nothin special. drove around,
friend from the ghetto ass Ft. Wayne, IN was down.
She is WILDDD. And my redbone Teale and..my cousin. skipped what we did.
lol@ my attention span. i just stopped and started pickin with my nails.
two of em are off. i wanna take the rest of em off but it hurt like shit. i'ma DEF do that tonight. omg, i forgot all about a perm. call that ho when i'm done with this.
"I'VE RIDDEN LIKE A SOLDIER, PUT NOTHIN BEFO YA.... "
Seen my boobie, havent seen him in a while. Came to my cousin house at 12?
when we arrived back there to an empty house, old folks went clubbin.
Bout time they got back he was still there, had to hide him in the downstairs bathroom with me. My cousin was scared as shit and me and him was like
" WE GOT THIS!" making fun of her, how fast her hurt was beatin, dyinggg laughing and she got shitty.
Never met such a scary person. We waited til they went to sleep for him to leave, but..he never left, he didnt want to and i didnt want him to cause
i was BORED and all the other ladies were either sleep or going to sleep.
fuck was i gonna do? so we went out back on the bench, after talking for like an hour in the house. and talked for like 3 more hours. not to mention it was cold.
and we were really lookin retarded. him layin on my lap all bundled up... outside..in pajamas.
I had on shorts and a hoody. oh, freeeeeeezing. so i snuck him
back in cause i couldnt take it anymore. we layed under the covers on the couch and whispered some more in the dark. It was cute, i guess.
Tried to feed me this bs of how he still loved me..he promise not to talk to anymore girls if
i dont talk to anymore boys. which, please i'm not gonna do. cause
Shanae aint no fool or dummy when it comes to mind games.
Him - "I knew you was a player ever since that one night".
Totally changed my ways. I told him i didnt know what he wanted from me cause we were just friends. Of course he went on and on about that.
He got irritated cause i wouldnt kiss him, just folded my lips like i always do to avoid a kiss.
We fought, well..i fought him he wouldnt hit me back and its irritating cause im wayyyyyyyy playful. "If i hit you back its gonna hurt".
so he left when it got light outside around 6am. He texted me when he got home
"Thanks for checkin up on me"
didnt know i was suppose to, grown ass man, dawg!
Fell asleep texting him back.
3 things he told me i was, that i hear from every male i have ever talked to.
-i ride/rode for him through everything, im different from all other girls,
and im difficult. awwz. I will always be down for anyyy boy i fuck with if
they dont play games with me. Just how I am. Comes from being hella close
with all my male cousins.
He gets to talkin this baby shit again. And im just..ugh..NO, Bryce..No. I do want
kids, everybody knows i love kids. but two crazy ass people tryna raise a emotionally stabled, sane, child? LOLL.
specially his burglary, spent time in jail, bipolar ass.
Nah, boo. Even if he was sane, he wouldnt be the one.
NOWWWW. I'm home. Ready for I KNOW an already stressful,tiredful (im not on firefox is this a word?), bullshit week. Cant wait til this month is OVER.
This aligned shit is gonna be all ugly once this is posted and i shol aint fixin it so. BOOP.